Poisonous Thorns
by HawkwardDolphin
Summary: Ivy Undersee wins the Hunger Games with Peeta Mellark. How will she cope on the Victory Tour knowing that Peeta still loves Katniss? Not to mention there are preparations for the 3rd Quarter Quell to worry about. *** I do not own any characters/scenarios from the book series and/or movie series "The Hunger Games". This is a sequel to my previous story "The Poisoned Ivy." ***
1. A Walk to the Pond

Peeta walked out the door. I thought about scolding myself for even talking to him when a realization came to me. I wasn't angry with myself. I had wanted to talk to Peeta for ages now.

I walked into my kitchen and sat on my counter, picking up an apple. If Snow were smart he wouldn't do anything drastically so soon. The Victory Tour was coming up in a few days and robbing the Capitol of that fun would raise a fuss.

When did the Victory Tour actually start? I couldn't even remember today's date, let alone the day the Tour started. I leaned forward to look at my calendar, which had mostly been ripped to pieces by me. Reading the date, I gasped.

The Tour started tomorrow.

I wasn't prepared for it. This was the first time Peeta and I had spoken since the cameras left 12. We couldn't go from not talking to lovers in a day.

I missed him and meant the words I had said. I wanted him to bother me again. I just needed him near me, because I _felt_ better around him.

I picked up a plate and through it out my window. It hit the side of Haymitch's house. A smile spread across my face, because I felt guilty after doing that. I hadn't felt anything in a long time.

_Just seeing Peeta._

Just seeing him had made me more human. I felt a breeze come through the window. It was getting colder, a feeling I had almost completely forgotten. The Games had been warm. What did coolness feel like? Would it snow?

It was weird, but I wanted to be outside.

I grabbed a hat and pulled all my hair up under it. It wasn't that cold yet, but still I pulled an overly large coat out of my closet and put it on too. I was used to sweating; it was more natural to me than shivering.

Quickly, I ran out of the door and slammed it shut. My body leaned against it, letting it support all my weight. Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to take a step forward. I strayed from my normal path that led to Haymitch's house and found myself walking towards Peeta's. When I reached his door, I stood in front of it, hand suspended. Ready to knock. If I was brave enough.

Rolling my eyes, I thought to myself, "_Gosh, Ivy. You can win the Games, but you can't knock on Peeta Mellark's door. He might not even be home."_

"Hey! That's Victor's Village! You can't be in…"

I turned around, dropped my hand, and looked guilty, though I knew I had no reason to be.

"I happen to be a victor. So, I think I can be here," I laughed as I tugged the hat from my head, letting my blonde hair spill from the top of my head.

"Sorry, Ivy. I didn't recognize you with the coat and the hat," he answered, standing awkwardly by the sidewalk of Peeta's house.

"You know, I could say the same thing to you," I took a couple of steps towards him, "You're not allowed to be here." He shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Yeah, well. I was looking for Katniss."

"Well, as far as I know she's not here. You could always knock, and ask Peeta," I offered, gesturing to the door. I still didn't want to knock at the door myself, so this was my attempt to get someone else to knock for me.

"I'm not in too much of a hurry," he replied.

"Yeah, me neither," I lied, looking around.

"What were you doing here?" he asked. I looked back at the door and quickly came up with an excuse.

"I was looking for someone to go for a walk with," I blurted out loudly. I knew he would see through my life; I was a terrible liar. But I was pretty sure he thought that I still loved Peeta, as did most of Panem.

"I was too. You wanna go…" he trailed off, not finishing his sentence.

"Go?" I prompted.

"On a walk with me," he said, letting his long black hair fall in front of his eyes. I did want to go to the forest, to the pond more like it. Part of me really didn't want to go on a walk with him, but the other part of me decided it was better than nothing.

"Yes," I smiled, "thank you, Gale."

* * *

We walked side by side to the fence. He was about to climb over it, when I stopped him.

"I can't climb very well," I murmured. He laughed.

"Why didn't you just say so? Here, I'll help you," he offered me a hand. I shook my head.

"No, I don't want to be a problem. I'll just go down a little farther and crawl under," I started to walk away. Gale grabbed my hand, but I didn't turn to face him.

"That broken fence is just about a mile away. It'd be a problem if you walked that far when I could just help you over. Now, don't be proud. Just let me help you," Gale said. Without a word, I turned around. Gale showed me how to climb up and over the fence. The fence was only about twice my height, but it frightened me just the same.

I was on the very top of the fence. Gale jumped off and landed on the other side. He looked up at me.

"This is very nice and all, sitting up here. But how do I get down?" I cried. He laughed.

"Jump!"

"Are you kidding me?" I asked.

"Are you kidding _me_?! You won the Hunger Games. You can jump off of a fence," he reasoned.

"I'll fall."

"I'll catch you then," he held up his arms. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I couldn't help but see myself lying on the ground with every bone in my body broken. Biting my tongue, my feet pushed off the fence.

My eyes were still tightly squeezed shut. I felt my body hit something, but not the ground.

I opened one eye to see Gale's face smiling at me.

"I knew I could do it," I muttered, getting out of his arms quickly.

"You're welcome," he said sarcastically. I led the way through the forest, and Gale followed me.

To be honest, I didn't know what I was doing. Gale and I had only talked a few times after the Games. The last time we talked had been through my closed front door.

"_Ivy, are you okay?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Why can't I come in?"_

_I sighed, "Um…"_

"_If you're not okay, just say so. I could just leave."_

"_Gale, I'm not okay."_

"_Do you need anything? We can talk."_

"_Gale, I don't think you would understand."_

"_Okay. Goodbye, Ivy."_

_Footsteps._

"_Goodbye."_

Gale didn't know the Games like I knew them. He tried to understand them, but I didn't try to understand. Because to me understanding meant agreeing. But, despite having the same hatred for the Hunger Games as I did, I couldn't talk to Gale about them.

If I told him that I cried almost every night because of a dream about Rue, I think he would laugh.

In other words, Gale wasn't Peeta.

"So, what have you been up to then?" I asked.

"Helping my mom. Hunting with Katniss. Trying to talk to you," he said. I knew he meant it as a joke, but I still felt bad.

"I'm sorry about last time…"

"Don't be. I knew you needed time alone. I just didn't think time alone meant weeks," he said. I smiled at him.

"Do you know where I'm taking you?"

"No."

"But you're letting me take you somewhere," I smirked.

"Yeah," he shrugged.

"You're either bored or crazy," I stated. He chuckled.

"What about you? Why did you finally come out?"

"Finally?"

"No one has seen you for weeks, like I said. Matt's been worried. Prim misses you too," Gale said.

"I doubt that Poi… Matt is that concerned for me. As for Prim, why didn't she come see me? If people were worried… I don't know. They know where I live!" I exclaimed. Gale was silent for a moment. I almost felt the need to stop walking.

"Have you been with him?"

"Him being Peeta?"

"Yes."

I had to say yes, because Peeta and I were in love. Everyone was supposed to know that. It was why I was still alive. Why they had allowed both Peeta and I to survive the Games.

"No."

Gale's face started to brighten.

"No?"

"Not a whole lot," I murmured, almost regretting the decision to tell him the truth. Gale's face seemed to be unnaturally neutral. He turned to me a couple times, like he wanted to say something to me. But he always ended up turning the other way.

I wanted to be able to say yes. I just wanted to be with Peeta all the time. That vision that I had of us together, raising a family in Victor's Village… I wanted it to be real one day. But I had ruined everything.

"Where are you taking me?" he asked after a couple minutes. I breathed out heavily, trying to see my breath in the cold.

"We're here," I whispered. The pond reflected the sun. I shielded my eyes from the glare.

"Katniss and I used to come here all the time! We would swim when we were younger! I didn't know you knew this place! Come on," he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the water.

He went to a log and pulled out a fishing rod.

"Fishing?" I asked.

"We could always use more food," he mumbled.

"But I thought the winner's district had food for a year?"

"Yes, I know. But always good to be prepared," he said. I started to sit down on the log when Gale yelled, "No!"

He grabbed my waist and pulled me to him. Holding me close, he pulled me along. We were right next to the pond now. I wanted to pull away from him, but Gale was holding me tightly.

"What the hell was that?" I asked angrily.

"There was a snake. I didn't especially want to have to suck venom out of your leg," he said, trying to make a joke out of the situation. My head got foggy.

"A snake."

"Are you okay? It didn't bite you, did it?" he asked. He held my face in his hands, studying my face. I shook my head a little, trying to get the fog out. And trying to make his hands leave. I didn't want Gale; I didn't want him near me like this. I wanted Peeta.

"Uh… no! No! It didn't bite me. I'm just… terrified of snakes," I breathed.

I wasn't scared of snakes. I was scared of the memories of snakes.

"Me too," he mumbled. He took a step away from me and scratched his head. "But you can't tell anyone that!"

"Why?" I asked. His hands fiddled with the fishing rod, as he looked down.

"I'm supposed to be strong, for my family. You know?"

"I don't get how a fear of something makes you weak," I said, crossing my arms. Gale thought for a moment, still looking into my face.

"I don't get it either. I don't get _you_."

"Me?" I asked. I pointed at myself for unnecessary emphasis. Gale set the fishing rod down and walked forward. I took a couple steps back. We stood a couple of feet away from each other.

"I don't get how after only talking a couple of times you have managed to get under my skin and make me confess my fears. I don't get how I can look at your face forever, memorize it even, and still want to look at it more. And I don't get how you can say one simple statement, but it leaves me thinking for ages. I don't get any of it. Do you?"

I didn't get it. But I felt the same way. For Peeta. We talked for a day on the train and were immediately best friends. We talked a couple times after that, and I was in love with him. I still gazed at him face whenever I was near him.

"I don't. I wish I could," I said. Gale loomed over me, yet I didn't feel small. I felt almost… stronger. I stuck my hands in my large pockets.

Gale's hands hovered over my arms. He hesitated and then lowered his hands.

"Any particular reason you came to the pond?" he asked. He checked the ground for snakes before taking off his own jacket and spreading it down like a blanket. He sat down and gently pulled me down next to him. I pulled my legs up and under my large coat, feeling like a child.

"I've always loved it here. But I've had many…" I didn't know how do to describe losing two loved ones for completely different reasons in a word.

"Experiences?"

"Life-changing experiences," I mumbled. Gale looked at me.

"Can I ask what kind of adventures?" he looked curious. I realized that the same question would come out of my mouth if our positions were swapped. So I answered him.

"My sister died here," I said, my voice cracking a little. I wouldn't cry though. I didn't cry anymore.

"Madge?" Gale asked, like he was struggling to remember her name. I bit the inside of my cheek.

_No tears. No tears. No tears._

"Yes. And I lost another person here too," I said. I made it clear that I was going to leave it at that.

"I lost someone here too. I found her here with someone else."

Was he talking about Katniss?

"I'm sorry."

"I don't mind much anymore," Gale's face turned towards mine. I felt my stomach turn. I prayed he wasn't doing what I think he was doing.

"Anymore?"

"Nope."

"Oh."

Gale's face leaned in closer.

One of his hands went behind my head and gently pulled my lips up to his.


	2. A Shocking Visitor

*A/N So, I don't know... is it worth continuing? Is it even what you guys wanted in a sequel? I don't even know if people know there's a sequel. Oh well, here's another chapter for the time being. Thanks to anyone who's giving this a chance.*

* * *

The worst thing about the kiss was that I enjoyed it. I realized that I hadn't had human interaction in so long. After having countless nights with Peeta in the cave, holding each other and kissing each other, I needed this. Whatever Gale was doing, I needed it.

Yet, I pulled away. Gale had a smiled on his face. I tried to remain calm and neutral looking, but on the inside, I was angry with myself.

I didn't want to make a big deal out of it or fight with Gale about what had just happened, but I hoped and prayed that Gale would never kiss me again. I loved Peeta. And if Snow found out about Peeta's kiss with Katniss, surely he would know about this one too.

"I have to get back," I said. The sun was already beginning to set.

"Okay," Gale muttered. He grabbed his coat and slid it back on. We walked back in silence. Occasionally I would look over and see him smiling. Then he would catch my eye, and I would pretend I wasn't looking in the first place. I blushed, but it was an angry blush. My fury was directed at myself, for letting this happen in the first place.

Gale dropped me off at my house. I watched from my upstairs window until he was out of Victor's Village. Then I slid my hat back on and went into my backyard. After hopping the fence, I sprinted a couple of houses down.

"Haymitch!" I screamed, as my fist banged on his back door.

"Sweetheart. What's the problem?" Haymitch opened the door. He leaned against the doorframe, looking irritated.

"Can we talk inside?" I asked, wringing my hands. Haymitch stepped aside and let me into his house. I sniffed him as I walked by and smelled no alcohol. He was sober? What was he up to?

I took off my coat and laid it over a chair.

"So. Here to clean my house some more?" he joked.

"Gale Hawthorne kissed me," I blurted out with my eyes tightly closed.

"Well! We can't blame Peeta anymore, can we?" Haymitch whispered, trying to joke again but only sounding surprised. He offered me a glass with some sort of liquid in it. I peered in it suspiciously. "For Pete's sake! It's tea!"

I took a drink, "I didn't want to kiss him."

Haymitch looked up at me. He set down his mug and leaned across the table. "What was that?"

"I didn't want to kiss Gale!" I shouted at him. I had thought that fact would've been obvious to Haymitch, as he was the first to know I loved Peeta.

"Oh, sweetheart!"

"What?" I wondered, a little scared by his sudden outburst. Haymitch looked so excited. I wondered why.

"Nothing. Nothing. Look, let's keep this between us for now. The Victory Tour starts tomorrow. Have you and Peeta made up yet?"

"No. I don't plan to."

"Why not? If you want this to look real, you have to be friends at least!" Haymitch pleaded. I shook my head and gulped down the rest of the tea.

I couldn't talk to Peeta. What would we even say? What was there to say? My fear got the better of me, and suddenly, I was scared of Peeta. The rejection from before began to bubble up again in my chest. And I felt like crying. But instead, I put on a smirk and faced Haymitch.

"Not happening. Goodnight, Haymitch. I'll see you tomorrow," I said, grabbing my coat and letting myself out of his house.

Haymitch's words continued to confuse me.

_Why was he so excited about me not wanting to kiss Gale? I thought it was obvious that I still love Peeta_.

My mind started buzzing whenever I thought of Peeta. I didn't want to see him anytime soon. But I couldn't deny that my heart still pounded a little harder whenever I thought of him.

* * *

I took my time getting home. By the time I was inside, night had fallen. Normally, I would be asleep by now.

Tossing my hat and coat on the floor, I wandered up my stairs. I quickly grabbed my pajamas to change into before I caught sight of myself in the mirror. The appearance was unsettling.

My hair was knotted, and my face had a layer of dirt on it. My mind suddenly couldn't remember the last time I had showered. One last look at the dirt under my fingernails, and I was walking to the bathroom.

Hopping in the shower, I washed my hair, slowing running my fingers through it to get any tangles out. The ends of my hairs looked raggedy, and I decided to cut them off. Finally, I scrubbed my whole body three times. I turned off the water and wrapped a towel tightly around my body.

I went to my dresser and looked for a comb but didn't see one. Suddenly, I remembered how it had been thrown it in with my kitchen utensils downstairs in another attempt to ruin my home. I made sure the towel was secure and ran down the stairs to find the comb.

It was exactly where I remembered it being, so I began to make my way back to the stairs before seeing something. My body pressed against the wall by the stairs. My hand went to the top of my towel, holding it there.

"Peeta! What are you doing in here?" I screeched. Peeta's eyes widened in horror, and my mind decided it didn't care about his answer. I sprinted up the stairs and into my room.

I locked the door and got dressed as quickly as possible, as if Peeta could see me through the ceiling. I ran the comb through my hair with unnecessary haste.

What was Peeta doing here? He had seen me in just a towel. I was embarrassed. My cheeks burned, and the comb continued to tug itself through my now un-tangled hair at an even pace. I took a couple deep breaths and tried not to focus on the fact that Peeta had seen more of me than I would've liked. Soon, my breathing slowed and the heat in my cheeks faded.

But my head was still reeling. Peeta had come to my home. How did he get in? What was he doing here? What was he going to say? Something bad? I suddenly felt almost sick to my stomach. I finally decided that if I didn't talk to him now, I would be a mess tomorrow at the Tour. So it was better sooner than later.

I slowly walked down the stairs, peering into the living room. Peeta was sitting on the couch, making himself at home. As I cleared my throat, Peeta quickly stood up and turned towards me.

"You didn't answer the front door. So I came through the back door. You left it unlocked. I didn't know you were…" he trailed off, not wanting to say anything else. His face was tilted up towards me on the stairs. My body squirmed, as I was not as comfortable with Peeta as I used to be.

"Why are you here?" I asked, crossing my arms. I felt protective of myself. Around Peeta, I felt weak and vulnerable. He knew almost everything about me and could use any of it against me.

"Haymitch told me to talk to you."

"He told me the same time, but I didn't break into your house," I pointed out. Peeta laughed.

"I really am sorry, Ivy," he said. My body tingled when he said my name. My heart began to beat rapidly, against my wishes.

"It's no problem. I said you could bother me again," I told him.

My feet carried me down the rest of the stairs and to a spot on the floor far away from Peeta. He sat back down on the couch, and suddenly, I yearned to be next to him. I wanted to snuggle up next to him like we used to be able to do.

If I hadn't said anything, would I still be allowed to do that?

"Oh. I brought you some bread. It's in your kitchen," he gestured unnecessarily towards my kitchen. I nodded and pulled my legs up to my chest, like I had earlier with Gale.

"Thanks," I muttered. Peeta was told to talk to me, but he wasn't really talking. He sat on my couch, clasping his hands in front of him. His brilliant blue eyes gazed out my window and into the darkness of the almost victor-less village.

There were so many things that were on my mind, but I wasn't going to share first. Luckily, I didn't have to. Peeta seemed to have finally found his voice.

"Look, if this Victory Tour is going to work we need to… do something differently. We're not like we used to be," Peeta said quickly like he was afraid he wouldn't be able to say it.

"No, we're not," I agreed. He looked like he had wanted me to say more. My eyes gazed into his from across the room. It felt like miles. Why couldn't we reach each other?

I think I looked sad. I felt sad. Peeta never said what I wanted him to say, but I was being unfair to myself. I wanted things that couldn't happen. I wanted Peeta to hold my hand again. But he was across the room. And even if I were sitting next to him, he wouldn't hold it.

"Can't we just be friends?" he whispered. I looked down at my feet. They were cold, and suddenly, I wished I had thought to put socks on. I kept my head down, and he waited.

I knew that some part of me wanted to be friends with Peeta, but the way he phrased the question threw me off.

_Just_ be friends. Only friends. Ever. I didn't want that. And it was selfish of me.

"I…" I couldn't get past the first word. I couldn't say it. The words were stuck in my throat. As if it were possible to get them out my hands touched my mouth, trying to force the words out. All that was heard was my heavy breathing.

"Goodnight, Ivy," Peeta said. I didn't look up. I saw his feet in front of me. There were tears on my cheeks as Peeta crouched down and put his hand under my chin. I gently moved my chin away from his hand and avoided his gaze. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," my voice croaked. Peeta started to walk away. I desperately turned my head, watching him walk back out of the back door. My heart's beating almost stopped when I thought of him leaving me. Again.

_Say it. Say it now. It may be your last chance._

He turned and looked back at me, tears running down my face silently.

My mouth opened, but the words didn't come out.

_Ivy, blurt it out. Scream it if you must._

His face scrunched into an emotion I hadn't seen him wear before. I didn't know how to describe it. Then, he closed the door behind him.

"I love you," I finally gasped out. My hands buried themselves in my hair. And I sobbed.

I couldn't go on like this. Heartbroken and barely alive. I regretted my decision immediately, knowing I should've agreed to his friendship. I grabbed a pillow near me and wiped my face on it. Then I hurled the pillow across the room. It hit a flower vase. The vase fell to the floor and shattered into hundreds of tiny pieces.

Thinking all the vases in my house had already been broken, I ran towards it, picking up the flowers. Daisies and ivy. I looked at the shattered vase. A piece of paper was stuck to one of the glass shards. All it read was:

_Ivy_

_From, Peeta_

Now what was I supposed to put the plants in? I grabbed a bowl from the kitchen, filled it with water, and threw the plants in it. After staring for a long time at the plants, my eyes shifted to the rest of my home.

There were tattered pillows lying hopelessly on the ground in almost every room. The living room had a disconnected telephone and a television set with a cracked screen. The closet by the front door was bulging from all the coats on the floor and umbrellas on the hangers. I had rotting fruit and moldy bread, dusty windows and broken light bulbs, rooms that I didn't even go in, locks that stayed locked, empty food cabinets and closets.

How was this my home? I would burn it down if I could. There hadn't been a day where I hadn't wished to leave my house. Of course, that meant that everyday I'd convinced myself to stay. But was this a home?

No, home was where you felt most comfortable. Home was where you felt you belonged.

Even when we were fighting, I was comfortable around Peeta. I felt we belonged together.

And so I cried. Because I knew my home was Peeta.


	3. Start of the Tour

I woke up to loud noises. Cars honking, doors banging, and a lot of squealing. Sitting up, I realized I had fallen asleep on the kitchen floor. My stomach rumbled, and I began to search for food. There was a bag of bread on the counter. Peeta.

I grabbed a roll from the bag and sat back down on the floor.

I knew who was outside, who was banging on my door. It was the prep team. I stuck the rest of the roll in my mouth and walked slowly to the door. Bracing myself, I threw the door open.

"Ivy!" Octavia yelled. She was the only one excited to see me. Flavius and Venia exchanged shocked expressions.

"Your hair!" Flavius cried, "What happened to the beautiful strings of gold?"

"What are those monsters above your eyes?" Venia questioned.

"My eyebrows?" I asked, confused. Octavia patted their backs.

"It's okay. We'll fix her. Don't worry!"

They all grab my hands and run me up the stairs. They looked in all the rooms until they found my bedroom. Venia sat my in a chair. Flavius threw my window open and took a deep breath, like he liked the air here in 12.

Octavia sets a bunch of bags on the ground. They began to rummage through them until they found what they wanted. Flavius pulls out a bunch of tubes with goop in them. Venia had tiny scissors. Octavia had nail files and polish.

I felt my hair start to get covered in gunk by Flavius as Octavia was at my toes, trimming and painting. Venia whimpered as she attempted to tame my eyebrows.

"The Games were such a hit, Ivy! But we've had nothing to do since they've ended!" Flavius exclaimed with a pout.

"But now we have the Victory Tour!" Venia pointed out.

"We've been wondering how you and Peeta have been! Now, you have the rest of your life together! It's so romantic!" Octavia squealed. I tried to smile but couldn't. All of Panem thought we were living happily together, overflowing with love. They didn't know that these past weeks have been the worst weeks of my life. I didn't want to admit to myself that they were worse than the weeks following Madge's death, but they were.

"And you two are going to be mentors for the Quarter Quell! That's so thrilling!" Venia cried.

I was never alive for a Quell, but I knew that Haymitch had won the last one. The interesting thing about Quarter Quell's was that they had different rules, a special change in celebration of another 25 years of Hunger Games. Haymitch's Games had double the amount of tributes. The odds had been in his favor, because he defeated them all and was crowned victor.

I heard a knock at the door. The prep team turned around, as did I. Relief flooded me.

"Cinna," I murmured. His arms opened, so I ran up to him and gave him a hug.

"Are you almost finished here?" Cinna asked.

"Oh yes!" Venia cried.

"She just needs a little…" Octavia started.

"I think she looks perfect. You guys can go downstairs now," Cinna dismissed. They all slowly walked past.

"I did her hair," Flavius pointed out while passing Cinna. I giggled.

Once the prep team was out of sight, Cinna had me sit down in the chair again and made mild adjustments to my makeup and hair. I thought about how disappointed Flavius would be if he found out Cinna changed my hair.

"I brought your clothes up," he said when he was finished. He pointed at a rack with clothes hanging from it.

"No dresses with fire this time?" I asked.

"Not today," he replied. I frowned a little. I knew I wasn't the most attractive girl in the world, but I felt radiant and beautiful whenever I donned Cinna's clothing.

"How's the Capitol?"

"Interesting as usual. How are you, Girl on Fire?" Cinna asked. I took a deep breath. Cinna looked concerned as he walked over to the rack and came back with a pair of pants and a sweater.

"Barely alive," I responded truthfully.

"Give me your wrist," Cinna instructed. Thinking he wanted to put on jewelry, I put my hand out in front of him. His fingers held my wrist. Though his eyes were still concerned, he smiled at me.

"What?"

"You have a heartbeat. I would say you're more than barely alive," Cinna smiled, gently releasing my wrist. I gave him a grateful smile and got dressed in the pants and sweater.

The denim pants were tight on my legs, but the sweater was light and baggy. The combination made me look strong and cute. Next he gave me boots that laced up to my knees and a jacket that had many shiny buttons on it.

He wrapped a scarf a couple of times around my neck and gave me some gloves. Stepping back to look at me, Cinna looked thoughtful.

"Something's missing," he said. I gestured to my hair, surprised that nothing was on my head yet. Cinna laughed and smiled, "That's what it was! You have promise as a designer."

"Do I really?" I laughed.

"I have these earmuffs. Or do you have a hat you might like?" Cinna asked. I looked shameful as I delivered my response.

"My only hat is lying on the floor downstairs," I muttered.

"Let's go find it," Cinna said. I was somehow warmed by the fact that Cinna was letting me wear some of my own clothes for the Tour's beginning. During the Games, I only had Peeta from home. Since I didn't have Peeta anymore, having even an old hat with me would remind me of district 12.

Cinna approved of the hat. Just as he was arranging my hair under the hat, Effie barged in. She gave me a large smile and rushed over as quickly as she could on her high heels.

"Ivy! Are you ready for another big, big, big day?" she shouted as she hugged me.

"I think so, Effie," I smiled.

No, I was definitely not ready. I may look the part, but I felt nothing like a victor, much less a victor who was in love. Effie gave me a satisfactory nod and turned to yell out the door, which she left open. Snow was falling outside.

"She's ready! Get Peeta out here!" Effie yelled as she led me out the door. Once I was on the doorstep, she left me alone. I took a couple steps out the door and looked up, letting the snow fall on my eyelashes. Smiling, my chilled hands found their way to my pockets.

I stood there, looking at the snowfall for what seemed like hours. Then, I turned and saw Peeta exiting his house. My face spread into a large grin, because finally I could be myself. It was acceptable now to be in love with Peeta. I took a couple of shy steps towards him, listening to the snow crunch under my feet. He didn't see me yet.

I loved Peeta but hated this. Our love shouldn't be like this, with me getting to kiss him and be in love with him when I knew he didn't love me in return. Yet, when I saw his face in through the snow falling, my problems were forgotten. I ran towards him.

Peeta saw me running across the yards to him, and he started towards me. I flung myself at him. He caught me in his arms, holding me tightly. I missed having his arms hold me. How had I forgotten what it felt like?

I let my face hide in his shoulder.

"Hey, Ivy," Peeta murmured. The cameras were near. I pulled my head out of his shoulder as he set me on the ground. Our hands were still entwined, fitting perfectly together. I felt my face rise to meet his as his lowered to find mine. Our lips touched gently.

This was the first time we had kissed in a long time. I felt Peeta's hands leave mine, so he could wrap his arms around me, pulling me as close as possible to him. My hands moved so they were sitting comfortably on his chest, like it was rehearsed almost. The kiss never deepened; it only stayed light and innocent. And almost bland. He pulled away slowly, our foreheads still resting against each other.

"Hey, Peeta," I laughed. Our hands found each other again, and we started walking. I slipped a couple times on the sidewalk. Peeta would chuckle when I would almost fall, but he would always catch me before I could hit the ground.

We made it to the train. Peeta and I went our separate ways to tell people goodbye. Well, mostly Peeta told people goodbye. No one came for me. I stood by Haymitch, and we watched Peeta side by side.

"He's so happy," I said.

"I know, sweetheart," Haymitch took a swig of something and grimacing. I wondered why he wasn't drunk, but it seemed like he was never drunk anymore.

"I just want this all to be over," I said, still smiling. I had to try to look happy for the cameras sake.

Haymitch was lucky; he could just pretend to be drunk whenever he was depressed. And when you won the Hunger Games, that was most of the time.

"It will be soon. Don't worry," Haymitch muttered. Peeta came back up.

"You already finished saying goodbye?" Peeta asked, grabbing my hand. I gave him a sad smile.

"No one to say goodbye to," I responded. Peeta tried to smile in return, but it looked like it was hard for him to smile.

"Let's go," Effie shouted. We boarded the train and waved from the windows. As soon as we were out of sight, Peeta left for his room. And I went to mine.

* * *

My eyes shot open, and I gasped for breath. Sitting up, I looked out the window. It was pitch black; there wasn't one star. My blankets and pillows were all on the floor. I felt my forehead covered in sweat.

The nightmares were getting worse. Tonight wasn't a normal nightmare though. Tonight I dreamt about Peeta. I saw him crying. He wasn't hurt or dead. He was crying. Like a shadow, I had crept behind him in the dream and saw why he was crying.

I was lying on the ground. My body. Surrounded by blood. It looked like I was dying or already dead. And Peeta was crying.

I tried to stand up from the bed, but I fell to the floor. My legs wouldn't work at first. I sat on the ground with my hands covering my eyes. The pressure on my eyes caused swirly, colorful patterns to appear on my eyelids. So I let my hands fall to my sides, slowly opening my eyes.

Eventually, I could stand up and made my way to the door. I opened it and let it slam behind me. Not knowing where to go, my legs led me. They ran somewhere. When I stopped, I was leaning against the railing on the last train car.

My head hung, watching the rungs as they rapidly disappeared. I let my hair blow wildly in the wind. This was where I felt most free. On the last train car staring at the disappearing land as we headed off to who knows where.

I shivered and looked at the pajamas I was wearing. A tank top and thin cotton pants. My arms crossed, still leaning against the railing, watching the snow fly on either side of me as the train sped ahead. I should've put on a robe or something a little warmer, but I only cared about getting out of my room. I always felt trapped after a nightmare, as if staying in my room after something happened in my sleep would make it happen in reality.

Something heavy landed on my shoulders. A wooly blanket.

"I knew you would be back here," Peeta murmured, standing next to me. I pulled the blanket he had set on my shoulders closer. We stood in silence. This was where it had all begun, hadn't it? On the back of a train. Watching our home disappear before our very eyes. I took a deep breath and squeezed my eyes shut.

"I'm… sorry," I stammered out.

"What?" Peeta asked, like what he heard was unexpected. My eyes opened to a squint as I stared at the falling snow. My hands tightened on the railing.

I needed Peeta. Even just as a friend. And I knew I was in the wrong, not him. If anyone needed to clear up this mess, it was me.

"I'm sorry. And I've been sorry ever since the roof after the last interview. I knew how you felt about Katniss. It wasn't fair of me to think that what happened in the Games was real. It was unfair of me to expect anything… in return," I said. Peeta breathed out, his breath making swirly patterns in the air. The blanket slipped a little, revealing my bare shoulder.

"I'm sorry, too," Peeta said. He grabbed my hand as I reached to pull my blanket up over my shoulder. I looked up at him surprised. There weren't any cameras here.

"You didn't do anything wrong," I answered, looking away from him again. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him run his hand through his blonde curls.

"Yes, I did," Peeta argued. He sounded truly angry with himself. He had no reason to be. He did nothing wrong, and I knew that deep down Peeta also knew that he had no need to apologize.

"What did you do?" I asked, thinking he wouldn't be able to answer.

"The whole Games, I thought everything you did was a lie. I thought the real you was different than you were in the Games. I thought the Ivy in the Games was too good to be true and that real Ivy was the complete opposite. I was a jerk," he answered. "I was a jerk to think you were any less perfect than you were."

I tried to forget the nice words he said to me. It would just mean more hurt later, and I was done with allowing myself to get hurt. I took my hand away from his.

"You weren't a jerk to me," I said, still not understanding. I heard a loud sigh come from Peeta.

"You want the truth?" Peeta asked me.

"Yes," I said. He turned to face me. His hands held both mine. I looked at him blankly.

"I loved you."

"Loved," I repeated in past tense. Peeta continued on.

"But I thought you were a fake and that your love for me was fake. I convinced myself that Katniss was for me. And then, after the Games, you were so distant. I didn't know what to do. I tried to move on," he murmured. This was all too good to be true. Had Peeta really loved me? Really and truly loved me, Ivy Undersee?

"Tried?" I asked. A little part of me felt cruel. I was doing it again. I was making Peeta say things I wanted to hear.

"I think I still love Ivy Undersee," he laughed. I took my hands out of his and set them on the railing. I squeezed my eyes shut. This was what I had wanted, wasn't it? Then why did I feel so sick inside? "Is something wrong?"

"You lied once," I said. I hated that I had to think this way. But I never wanted to feel how I felt that moment in the cave when I first discovered Peeta didn't love me. The hurt seemed to go away as the act continued and got deeper, but it didn't really go away. It just saved itself for later, when I was home and alone in 12. A victor who had really won nothing.

I felt his arms wrap around me from behind. His lips moved on the top of my head. Every part of me tingled. I felt myself wanting to kiss him again, to be like we were in the cave. Deliriously in love.

"But I'm telling the truth now," he whispered. I turned around, still in his arms. Peeta gently picked up a strand of my hair that had blown into my face. He tucked it behind my ear, holding my face up to his.

Peeta leaned down and kissed me. He drew me closer to him, and my hands automatically went around his neck.

I wanted to believe that he was telling the truth. But we had kissed many times. A kiss didn't prove anything.

I pulled away for a second and looked into his eyes.

Peeta frowned, wondering why I had pulled away. My hands moved to his shoulders as I continued to study his face.

I wasn't sure yet if he was telling the truth or lying. But I smiled and let him kiss me again.

* * *

*A/N Hey, everyone (meaning anyone who is even reading this)! I don't normally say this... but pleas review! I want to know what you guys think of this story! Thanks if you've read this far!*


	4. District 11

I woke up the next morning feeling better than I had in a while. It was late afternoon, showing how late I had slept. I began to put on some clothes and then started to open my door. But as soon as I opened it, my prep team rushed in.

"We're arriving in 11 today!" Venia cried.

"We have to hurry!" Octavia agreed, grabbing my arms and pushing me into a chair.

"Today?" I asked. I remembered how long the journey was to the Capitol. I thought that we would have a three-day journey, but I guess district 11 was closer to 12 than the Capitol was.

"We have to get you ready quickly! You're arriving there in a couple hours!" Flavius shouted. I was getting tired of my prep team; they had just waxed my legs yesterday, how much hair could've grown back so quickly?

Cinna walked in slowly. He wasn't in as much of a rush as the others.

"Honestly. We arrive there in five hours! Ivy hasn't even eaten anything yet," Cinna reasoned. He took my hand and pulled me away from the prep team. They looked ashamed of themselves, and I wanted to console them somehow. But I didn't know what to say. Cinna led me into the dining room in silence.

"I missed lunch," I murmured trying to initiate a conversation. He laughed.

"We waited. I was wondering where you were. Then I noticed _they_ were also missing," Cinna said with a smile. I smiled. Cinna rescued me again.

We arrived in the dining room where everyone was indeed waiting for me. I brushed my hair behind my ear, feeling a little embarrassed.

"I'm sorry I kept you all waiting," I muttered. I looked up to see Peeta's eyes. The empty seat was next to him. I slowly walked to my chair and sat down next to him cautiously.

"Apology accepted. Let's eat," Haymitch announced. He began to cut at a piece of meat. I grabbed a roll. Peeta slid a mug of a steamy liquid in front of me.

"I knew you would want it someday," he laughed. I tried not to look too happy as I dipped the roll in the hot chocolate; Peeta ate a small salad and a roll but not much else. I only ate the roll and drank the hot chocolate. So, we finished before everyone else. I folded my hands on my lap, being polite and staying at the table with everyone.

Peeta's hand reached over and grabbed mine. I looked over at him through the corner of my eye. He gave me a grin that sent my heart soaring.

How could I live with myself without Peeta in my life? How could I ignore him and refuse his friendship? I loved and needed Peeta.

I saw Effie give us a knowing smile before returning her gaze to her plate. Haymitch was too concentrated on his food to see us getting along.

"So, what's the plan once we get to district 11?" Peeta asked. Haymitch made a show of wiping off his mouth with a napkin daintily before answering Peeta.

"You're going to be taken to the Justice Building, you're going to read the speeches they prepared for you, and then you're going to wait in a room until dinner. You're going to enjoy that dinner. And I'm going to enjoy that dinner," Haymitch said, eating more meat and drinking more liquor.

"And then?" I asked. Effie smiled at me for taking interest in our schedule.

"Then, we continue to the other districts in descending order until we reach the Capitol!" she squealed waving her gloved hands around excitedly.

Peeta squeezed my hand, which caused me to steal a glance at him. He merely looked forward at the plates of food and smiled, looking like a schoolboy with a crush.

I smiled and looked forward too. Only my gaze met Haymitch's eyes. For a brief second, Haymitch looked angry. But then a mask of calm came over his face, and I thought I had imagined the anger there to begin with.

"Well. Ivy? Are you full?" Cinna asked, starting to get up from his chair. I stood up as well. Peeta dropped my hand. I tried not to stare down at my lone hand hanging at my side.

"Yes," I replied. I walked around to Cinna's side of the table. I put my head down, allowing my hair to cover my face. I peered through my hair at Peeta. He glanced up at me, giving me an innocent smile that made me blush a deep red.

Cinna set his arm behind my back and propelled me forward, now feeling rushed. We must have been in the dining car for longer than I thought.

"Peeta seemed happy today," Cinna said. I smiled up at him.

"I guess so," I admitted as blush continued to creep down my cheeks and onto my neck. Cinna had a small smile on his face, but said no more.

He took me back to my room, touched up my makeup by himself, and then dressed me in an orange dress. But it wasn't a bright orange. It was faded orange, like sunset. As I was getting dressed, I looked out the window to see long stretches of grain fields. District 11. We were almost there.

Then, I met back with Peeta. His eyes brightened when he saw the color of my dress. I suddenly remembered it was his favorite color. Peeta almost looked hesitant when he reached down to take my hand. I realized that despite my head telling me that I shouldn't trust him, my heart wanted me to be holding his hand, touching Peeta Mellark, for the rest of my existence.

"I almost forgot," Cinna said as he rushed up to me. He fastened my mockingjay pin to my dress. I smiled at him. He gave me a nod and let me walk out of the train with Peeta.

There were no screaming fans when we got off. Just about a dozen Peacekeepers who led us to a truck. We got shoved on and were driven to the Justice Building. Effie straightened her wig and mumbled angrily under her breath.

We were hurried into the Justice Building. I could smell the dinner they were making for us. As we were rushed from room to room, I looked at the building itself. Old and rotting. The people must not care as much about their Justice Building here. But whenever I tried to get a closer look, I was nudged in the back by a Peacekeeper, or their gun, to keep moving forward. Soon, the anthem was blaring in my ears. A microphone got clipped to my dress, and Peeta took my hand as we walked through giant open doors onto a giant balcony. I could hear the mayor of 11 was introducing us.

"Don't forget to smile! Chins up!" Effie hissed from behind us. I was blinded by the bright sunlight and felt sweat start to form on my hairline. I heard loud applause from all around me but not the kind of applause Peeta and I normally got. There was no cheering or whooping. There was only clapping.

Peeta squeezed my hand and led me to the edge of the balcony. We weren't very high above everyone else. Someone could touch my feet if they wanted to.

I looked to the side to see the special platform made for the families of the dead tributes, Thresh and Rue. I squinted through the sun at their families. I could tell exactly whose family was whose, but I wished I hadn't been able to. I saw each of Rue's sisters; tears were still fresh in their eyes. And Thresh's grandmother hunched over after years of hard work.

After the applause died down, Peeta and I began to speak. We only give the speeches that the Capitol gave us. But I felt like I needed to say more. I loved Rue. And Thresh spared Peeta. I owed them both.

The mayor was about to give a concluding speech, when Peeta stepped forward.

"Before we conclude, I just wanted to thank the tributes of 11. Thresh spared my life, and I will forever owe him. And Rue brought happiness and hope to Ivy and me during the Games," he said, taking a glance over at me. He turned forward again and spoke directly to the families. "It cannot replace in any way your losses in these past Games, but as a token of our thanks, we'd like to give one month of our winnings to the families of district 11's tributes for the duration of our lives."

Everyone gasped at Peeta's comment, even me. I wasn't sure if this was even legal, but one month of winnings from a victor would provide for a family for a year. Their families wouldn't starve for as long as Peeta and I would live. I walked up next to Peeta, linking our arms. I suddenly remembered something Haymitch had said to me when he found out I loved Peeta.

_You are a little girl who wants to love someone. And Peeta. Well, let's just say you pick good._

Peeta had taken a risk, but I was proud of what he had done. I wish I knew how to thank the families. But words didn't come as easily to me as they seemed to come to Peeta.

The mayor stepped forward and awarded us with a plaque. The ceremony is almost over when I took a peek at Rue's family. One of Rue's sisters stared back at me with large eyes. She stood on her tiptoes, trying to see over the crowds. Her eyes were teary as she stared at me. I felt a lump in my throat; Peeta squeeze my hand. I looked at him, realizing there were tears in my eyes.

Anger started to fill me.

_How could I not thank the families? What should I say? What could I possibly say?_

The mayor was about to lead us off the stage when I cried out.

"Wait!"

The crowds stared at me. The words had come out harsher and more desperate than I had intended them too, and I felt my stomach start to turn itself over. Now what was I supposed to say? I should've planned this out better.

Rue's sister gazed at me, and I looked directly at her as I spoke my next words.

"I'm so sorry," I choked out. My gaze turned to Thresh's grandmother, "I didn't know Thresh very well, but I respect him. He played the Games how he wanted. He spared Peeta. He didn't have to. But he did. And for that, I am eternally grateful to him." I looked back to Rue's sister, "I loved Rue. From the moment I saw her in training I loved her. She was like my own sister. I wanted to protect her, because she was everything beautiful. She was in the sun that rose in the morning and the flowers in the meadow and the mockingjays in the trees," I rambled on. Rue's sister looked down at her shoes. I looked at both the families, "Thank you for your children."

I stood there, not knowing what else to do. I saw that I had pulled away from Peeta and was standing at the very edge of the balcony, almost leaning over to talk to the families. A tear slid down my cheek, and I quickly wiped it off. I took a couple steps backward, wondering if what I said wasn't enough. Just as I was back standing next to Peeta, I heard it.

A mockingjay whistling a four-note tune.

Peeta grabbed my hand, squeezing it very hard. Was he worried? Was he angry? I didn't dare look at him. I stayed looking out into the crowd.

I was being escorted back through the door.

"Wave one last time!" Effie instructed. As Peeta and I turned around to wave, I saw a sight that brought tears to my eyes. Starting with an old man in the front, everyone pressed their three middle fingers to their lips and raised them into the air.

It was the sign I have Rue as I left her. A goodbye. I started to bring my fingers to my lips to do the sign back when Peeta grabbed my hand. I looked at him, confused. He merely shook his head in a scared way at me, with wide eyes and a hardened jaw. A Peacekeeper grabbed my around the waist and pulled me back. The doors started to close slowly.

But not before I saw a bullet go through the old man's head.

* * *

* A/N Please review/PM me to tell me what you guys think. And to the special guest who reviewed and was worried about Ivy choosing the wrong boy... all I have to say is wait. ;) *


	5. Threat

I tried not to scream, but in all honesty I was terrified and confused. What had just happened? Who else had died? What had I done?

A Peacekeeper started to harshly pull me backwards, but then a softer hand took my arm. I bit my lip to stop the sobs coming out of my mouth. What if Rue's family was next? Or Thresh's? Had I caused all this?

"I'll take care of her," Haymitch said, gently holding my arm. The Peacekeeper looked reluctant to let Haymitch take me, but eventually he allowed me to go. Peeta tugged himself away from a Peacekeeper and rushed forward to me, ripping my arm away from Haymitch and holding me tightly to him.

"Are you okay?" he whispered desperately in my ear. I nodded into his shoulder, not sure if I was okay. What if the gun had been trained on him or me? The Peacekeepers looked like they were okay with shooting anyone. I started to cry, so rattled up from what had just happened. The tears fell on my orange dress, leaving dark stains on the shimmery fabric. Peeta held me closer and stroked my head rhythmically, helping me calm down.

The Peacekeepers cleared the area, supposedly leaving us alone. I heard a cough and looked up from Peeta's shoulder. Haymitch gestured for us to follow him. Before we started to move, he was off. Peeta and I almost had to run to follow him. He led us up a couple of stairways until we were in the very top of the Justice Building. The dome.

It was dusty, with small streaks of sunlight escaping into the room. There were a couple old statues and chairs, but everything was either covered in sheets or dust. The only sound was my heavy breathing; I was still not recovered from what had happened yet. I reached out to steady myself on a table, but Haymitch stopped me.

"Don't touch anything. And stay quiet," Haymitch warned. I stayed standing in one place and did not move. Peeta still had an arm around me; I melted into his side, clutching his shirt.

"Haymitch. What happened?" I asked. Peeta and Haymitch exchanged a glance. It looked like they were talking telepathically. And I wasn't included.

I took one step away from Peeta, making his arm drop from around my waist. They were keeping something from me. I stood with my hands on my hips, waiting for an answer to my question.

"Well, sweetheart. A man was shot," Haymitch stated bluntly.

"What are you keeping from me?"

Neither of them answered me at first. But I waited, not sure if I should feel angry or hurt.

"Nothing," Peeta muttered, looking down.

"We're a _team_. Why can't I know whatever it is?" I cried. I stared at Peeta until he met my gaze.

"It's nothing…" Peeta trailed off. I didn't believe him. My arms crossed, and I turned away from Peeta, looking back at the door on the ground we had climbed up through. I wanted to run. And not just downstairs, but away. I didn't want to be a part of this Tour anymore. Not if it meant killing innocent people.

We stood in silence. I stayed turned away from both of them. No doubt they were communicating with stares without me. My fingers fiddled with the hem of my dress. Why couldn't I just get a straight answer from them? Peeta and I had survived the Games; we were in this together.

"No, she's right. We are a team. And she is involved in it," Haymitch finally reasoned. I gave him a grateful nod before turning to Peeta. Peeta gave Haymitch a scared expression before turning back to me. We stood a couple of feet away from each other, but I wanted to be right next to him. Just as I took a step near him, he took one towards me. Peeta took a deep breath to calm himself.

"Snow visited me the day before the Victory Tour. He threatened me. And he said he could easily kill anyone in 12," Peeta grabbed my hand. "Katniss, Prim, Gale, my family, your family. They could all die. We _have_ to convince _him_. We have to fix everything on this tour."

I took my hand away from his and crossed my arms again, trying to protect myself.

"Everything?" I asked, looking at Haymitch. Haymitch gestured again to Peeta, who sighed.

"There's apparently unrest in the districts. It all started with our stunt with the berries. Snow told me to try and dim things. To use the Tour to try and show everyone that we only acted out of love, not rebellion," he told me.

"Unrest?" I gasped. Unrest as in people fighting the Capitol? Rebellions? Death?

"Yes," Peeta muttered, looking shameful.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" I breathed.

"We thought it would change how you acted on the tour. We needed you to be all lovey-dovey with Peeta," Haymitch explained. I thought about that. I wasn't sure if I would act differently knowing this. I loved Peeta. I would act my part no matter what.

But I realized we were supposed to dim the flames. Not add fire.

"Then, me blurting out to the families like that was bad," I put my head down. I tried not to cry. But my stupid speech to the families had only caused death for the man and who knows how many other people out in the 11. I immediately pictured Rue's sisters lying dead on the ground, and tears slid down my cheeks. I ran my hands through my hair and squeezed my eyes shut. The image wouldn't go away.

"That's our fault, sweetheart. We didn't tell you about Snow," Haymitch said.

"And even though I did know about the unrest, I still spoke out, Ivy. It's my fault, not yours," Peeta sighed. It didn't make me feel much better. "Well… what do we do now?" Peeta asked. Haymitch sighed.

"Just try and erase what happened. Stick to the scripted speeches. Act delirious with love! You both have to play your parts perfectly for us to convince Snow," Haymitch muttered.

I peeked at Peeta. Did he actually love me? I knew I could make this seem real. And if Peeta was telling the truth, he would be able to as well.

I forgave him and Haymitch.

I walked up and wrapped my arms around Peeta. He didn't hesitate to hold me back.

"Keep me in the loop from now on, okay? I don't want to mess up anymore. I don't want any more death," I murmured.

"I promise," he replied, "but only if you don't keep secrets from me too." I almost agreed right away, but then I remember I had a secret: Gale's kiss.

I looked over his shoulder at Haymitch, silently asking him if I should tell Peeta about Gale. He raised his eyebrows, allowing me to decide.

I didn't know when to tell Peeta about Gale, but Snow didn't visit me. So I assumed that it wasn't important right now. I decided to keep it a secret until the time was right.

"Okay."

* * *

Haymitch escorted me to Cinna, who was going to help me get ready for the dinner. The prep team redid my hair and applied some more makeup.

Then, Cinna brought a gown to me. It was green. He had never made me a green dress before. I set my hand on it. It was soft and light. One corner of my mouth lifted up in a small smile.

"What is it?" Cinna asked as he helped me put it on.

"This is my favorite color," I whispered. It didn't have a voluminous skirt or puffy sleeves. It was a simple, strapless dress that went straight down and clung to my body in all the right spots.

"I had a little help with the color, actually," Cinna said absentmindedly as he circled me, making sure everything was perfect. When my "inspection" was done, Cinna led me to a mirror. He added a pair of elbow-length white gloves.

The color was almost exactly the color of my eyes.

"It's… stunning," I smiled.

"Don't you want to know about the color?" he asked in a wondering tone. I bit my lip, trying to stop smiling.

"I think I know who told you," I smiled. Cinna gave me a knowing smile.

"Seems Mr. Mellark does have feelings for you after all," Cinna said, fluffing my hair a little. Cinna had told me last year that he thought Peeta might have some feelings for me, since he was willing to commit suicide with me.

"I love it, Cinna," I turned to embrace him. He seemed surprised at first, but then hugged me in return.

"I thought it would be a nice change. To see the Girl on Fire in green," he smiled. I smiled too. Maybe this would help dim the unrest too, the rebels seeing me in a calmer color like green. I felt pretty.

I hoped that Peeta would like it.

Cinna took me to meet the rest of the group so we could walk to the dinner. Peeta came up to me and took my hand.

"You look… amazing," he said, seeming to have a loss for words. He was wearing a plain black suit, but he had green embellishments here and there to match my dress.

"My favorite color," I smiled at him. He blushed.

"I may have said something about it to Cinna," he muttered.

"Thank you," I said sincerely to him. It was nice that he remembered my favorite color, and that he even talked to Cinna about me. He reached down and kissed me on the cheek. I felt my cheeks burn, and Peeta's fingers traced my blush. I felt my blood pump through my veins faster when he touched my face.

Realizing we had been whispering to each other, we turned to face everyone else. Effie seemed to be freaking out about something.

"Effie, are you okay?" Peeta asked. She shook her head, wiping a tear from under her eye.

"It's just that we're being treated weirdly. I was checking out the building, making sure that the mold and rot wouldn't do anything to my skin. And then a Peacekeeper came up to me, yelled at me for looking at the building, and poked me with his gun!" she exclaimed. Peeta and I exchanged glances with Haymitch.

"I'm sorry, Effie," I muttered, my voice dripping with sympathy. Effie gave me a smile.

"It's okay, Ivy. It's not anything that you did! There's no need to apologize!" she cried. Peeta almost laughed. Because it was our fault that we were treated this way. We had unconsciously sparked a rebellion. And now we were paying for it.

Effie blew her nose and arranged us in our entrance formation. I didn't know that there was a whole entrance ceremony to the dinner. But Peeta and I walked last, so we had more time to ourselves.

"Ivy."

"Peeta?"

"I really am sorry that I kept the Snow thing from you," he whispered directly into my ear.

"I would have done the same thing. It's really okay, Peeta," I said. He wrapped his arm around my waist and held me close to him.

"Okay," he replied, almost as if he was still not satisfied that I had forgiven him. Maybe he saw how easily I forgave him. What if he knew that I was keeping a secret from him? What would he do when he learned that Gale and I had kissed? I realized that the only way my secret would hurt him would be if he actually loved me.

Why was I still skeptical that he actually loved me? Was it because he wouldn't kiss me unless there was a camera? Because he already lied to me? Either way, I wasn't going to believe him too easily. But, it wasn't hurting anyone to pretend like I believed him.

"Oh, we have to go," I said, grabbing his hand and leading him to the dinner.


	6. Nightmares

Nothing bad or rebellious happened at the dinner in 11. Or 10. Or 9, 8, 7, 6, or 5. Everyday was the same. I would wake up, eat, get prepped, read the speech, go to dinner, and then get back on the train. Everything seemed to be going perfect, and I thought maybe the Tour would end easily.

We were on the train going to district 4. I walked into my room and pulled off the midnight blue gown Cinna had made for my dinner in district 5. I pulled on pajamas, crawled into bed, and fell asleep.

Then, there was a bird. It whistled a four-note tune before dropping to the ground dead. Suddenly, trees sprung up all around me, and I ran to the bird. I turned the bird over. As I did this, it turned into Rue. She looked up at me and asked me to sing. I sang. As the words came out of my mouth, her mouth elongated and grew furry. She was a mutt. She sprung up and ran towards me. I wasn't fast enough after the shock of her changing. She bit down on my leg and dragged me into a pit of darkness and bubbling blood.

I woke up screaming. Burying my face in my pillow, I cried. Nothing could be heard but my sobs. I felt my throat close up, and I started to cough. I might've drifted back to sleep. But all of a sudden, I was falling off my bed.

I waited to hit the hard ground but instead found myself landing on something else. It was a little softer. A person. I quickly got up and ran to a corner of my room, putting my hands up for protection. My breathing was ragged and my throat sore.

"Ivy. It's just me."

I started crying again.

"Ivy, come on. It's okay."

"No, it's not!" I screamed. It wasn't one of my worst nightmares, but it was Rue. I hadn't dreamt of her for a long time.

"I'm here," he said in a soothing voice. "It's okay. I'm here."

Peeta sat by my side and pulled me onto his lap. He rocked me back and forth like a child. I cried and felt my hands grab onto his shirt. His hands stroked my head and held me close.

I fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning on my bed. I looked around for a sign that Peeta had been there, but there wasn't one. A feeling of disappointment flooded my mind; I must've dreamt of Peeta coming in here last night.

I grabbed my clothes and put them on quickly before rushing to the dining car. Everyone was already in there eating. I sat down and ate quickly. Peeta stared at me from across the table. Was he there? Did he hear me scream? I ate in silence, staring only at my plate for the rest of the meal.

As Cinna was leading me to my room to get dressed, Peeta grabbed my arm. Cinna saw Peeta stop me, and he continued walking into the room, leaving me alone with him.

"Do you need to talk about?" he asked. I sighed in relief; Peeta _was_ there.

"I thought they were almost gone," I said, my hands balling up into fists. My face began to burn as an angry blush appeared. Peeta set his hand on my cheek.

"Do you want to talk about it tonight?" he asked. I nodded.

Peeta's face leaned in towards mine, and I was almost positive he was going to kiss me on the lips. But instead, his lips went to my forehead. They brushed against my forehead, and then he was gone.

I gave my speech. We went to dinner. We came back to the train.

After I had taken off the pale blue princess dress and changed into pajamas, there was a soft knock at the door. It was Peeta. He was dressed in his own pajamas and carrying a blanket. I looked at him confused, but I didn't ask him about the blanket or pajamas. He sat down on the edge of my bed, and I sat down next to him. We sat in silence for a couple minutes.

"So," I asked with a small smile, "why were you in my room last night?"

"I heard you screaming," he stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Suddenly, I was embarrassed. If Peeta could hear me, who else could?

"Why were you awake?"

"I don't really sleep that much," he said.

"Why?" I asked. I got scared of the dark and sleep and nightmares, but at least I still did sleep.

"Guess," he muttered.

"Nightmares," I whispered. He nodded before turning towards me with a concerned look.

"Which brings us to you. Do you need to talk about what happened?" he asked, taking my hand. I looked down at my hands before shaking my head.

"No. It's okay."

"Ivy, I'm here for you. You can talk to me," Peeta murmured, trying to look me in the eye. I moved my gaze whenever I caught sight of his blue eyes. He wanted to help me, and I wanted help. But I didn't know what he could do.

"I just… I don't know what to say."

"What's bothering you?" he asked. I closed my eyes. What was on my mind? How did Peeta know something was bothering me? Did he know the thing that bothered me most was whether or not he loved me?

"My nightmare last night was different. It was about Rue," I said.

"What are they normally about?" Peeta asked. I thought back to my lonely days in Victor's Village. What did I dream about? The Games and Madge. And Peeta. Peeta was almost in every nightmare. My eyes remained closed.

"Um… they're normally about you, actually," I stuttered out. Peeta laughed a little.

"Me? Do I scare you, Ivy?" he asked, sitting up a little straighter. I smiled a little.

"They're normally about me losing you. Or you losing me," I said before I realized how embarrassing it sounded. Peeta's smile disappeared for a moment, replaced by surprise.

"That's why you would scream? You thought you lost me?" he breathed, shocked. He looked scared, like he had hurt me somehow. Which he had.

"I _did_ lose you," I pointed out in a whisper.

Peeta left me and hurt me and broke his promises. He chose Katniss. But now… he said he loved me. And my insides twisted because I didn't know what to believe.

Peeta's forehead touched mine. My eyes shot up and looked at his face, so incredibly close to mine. I felt his hand run through my hair before he spoke.

"You have me now," he answered.

Did I? Did I really have him? Peeta could be faking; he's done it before. And he's good at faking it. I wanted to believe him and feel wanted again. But I also wanted to protect my heart.

My mouth opened to speak again, but Peeta's lips were on mine. He was kissing me, and there were no cameras around. My hands set themselves on his chest, and I drew myself closer to him.

_He loves you, Ivy. Just accept it. Don't be a fool_.

"Peeta?" I asked, breaking apart from him. His eyes opened and stared into mine. I felt our lashes collide when we blinked.

"Ivy." He said it like it was the only word that mattered in the world.

"I love you," I breathed out quickly, like I wouldn't be able to say it if I didn't say it at that moment. He kissed me one more time.

"I love you, too," he replied. I brought myself close to him, wrapping my arms around him and holding him close.

I didn't want him to disappear again. I wouldn't let him go.

Peeta stayed with me. He put his blanket on the couch and just lied there. I watched him for a couple minutes. He was so peaceful, his eyes closed. He looked like he was sleeping, and it seemed like he didn't have nightmares. And I was jealous of his calmness.

I drifted to sleep.

As Rue pulled me into the pit, I reached for the edges, trying to keep myself out of the dark. I grabbed at white sticks. When I grabbed them, they came out of the ground and became bloody bones. Screaming, I let go of the bones. I fell into the pit. I kept falling until I hit the ground with a thud and felt my whole body ache.

My eyes shot open, expecting to see the floor. Instead, I saw Peeta's face directly above mine. Neither of us said a thing. He looked frightened.

Peeta was kneeling beside me on the bed, holding my arms down. His face was the only thing I could see.

I didn't blink, and tears began to pool in the corners of my eyes. Peeta cautiously let go of his hold on one of my arms and tenderly brushed hair out of my face.

"I'm here," he muttered. The angry tears escaped from my eyes. My hands grabbed the sheets from under me and balled up into fists. Peeta pulled me over to him and held me. We both sat on the corner of my bed, leaning against the wall, both of us trying to sleep but knowing it was impossible.

Peeta held me as tightly as he could. I let my head fall back onto his arm. We didn't speak.

Peeta came into my room every night on the train. He would go to his room and get ready for bed. Then he would slide into my room after the night fell and would hold me. After 3, 2, and 1 he came and held me at night, trying to make the nightmares go away. Every night, they got less and less gruesome. I stopped screaming awake, but I would still wake up. But, with Peeta there, all I did was wake up a slight gasp, see his concerned blue eyes looking at me, and then fall back into an uneasy rest.

It reminded me of our times back in the Games.

"_I don't want to sleep."_

"_Why, because of nightmares? I'll protect you."_

"_No, I'm afraid that you'll leave. Or worse, I'll die without seeing you tomorrow morning."_

"_I'm not leaving you. Not again."_

"_But what if I die."_

"_I'm going to stay with you. Always."_

We were on our way to the Capitol. I woke up that night to see Peeta sleeping. His arms tightened around me, and I knew he was having a nightmare. I stroked his arm and slowly it lessened its grip around me. His eyes scrunched tightly before the eyelids loosened.

"I'm here," I muttered like he always did to me. But this time, I added, "Always."

* * *

*A/N Review and tell me what you think! Do you think Peeta is faking again? Or is it possibly genuine this time?*


	7. Surprise

My prep team woke me up in the morning. They all broke into large smiles when they saw Peeta's arm around me as we slept. I gently pushed him awake, and his eyes widened as he took in the light. He got up, gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, and walked back to his room to prepare for the day. This was the day we arrived in the Capitol.

The prep team had just started to do my hair when there was a knock on the door. Cinna came in.

"Haymitch needs to see Ivy right away. I'm to escort her there," he announced. Flavius threw down his comb angrily. Venia began to cry. But Octavia helped me get up from the chair they had put me in and gave me to Cinna.

"Do you know what's going on?" I asked.

"Not at all. But Haymitch seemed anxious," he replied. I gave him a small nod and remained silent as he led me to my mentor.

When we arrived in the middle car, I saw Peeta had been summoned too.

"Ivy, what's happening?" Peeta asked as Cinna exited the room.

"I was going to ask you the same thing," I replied. Someone behind us cleared their throat obnoxiously, and we both simultaneously turned to face the source, Haymitch.

"What's this all about, Haymitch? We have an interview in a couple hours," Peeta said, sounding slightly irritated, yet worried.

"That's what this is all about," he said to our confused faces. "You're not doing enough."

"Enough?" I shouted indignantly. "We've been practically ripping each other's clothes off at every dinner. We've been seen dancing alone in parties…"

"And caught sneaking away. We're proving we're in love. Haymitch how is that not enough?" Peeta finished with an exasperated sigh.

"More districts have been causing problems," Haymitch said. He waited for a second to let the information soak in. Peeta and I hadn't done anything for the unrest.

"Then we really haven't done anything. Haymitch, we're too late!" I cried. Peeta held my arm, making my heart beat harder than it already was.

"No, we still have another option. It would give the districts something to think about other than… rebellion." Haymitch aimed his gaze at Peeta.

"What? What is it? We need to do it!" I exclaimed. I really didn't want a war to begin because of the actions Peeta and I did to stay alive, and any option was better than no alternatives at all. I heard Peeta give a little gasp beside me.

"Haymitch, you mean…"

Haymitch nodded.

"What? What does he mean? You said no more secrets!" I reminded them. Peeta gulped and then gave a small chuckle. He looked embarrassed.

"You'll find out."

"No, tell me now!" I yelled.

"Believe me, sweetheart. You want to hear this later," Haymitch laughed.

"But…"

"But, it's time to go get ready, sweetheart," Haymitch said, nudging me out the door.

"What about Peeta?" I asked. My arms dropped to their sides in shocked disbelief. "Unbelievable. You two are going to talk strategy without me, aren't you?"

"No. Really, Ivy, this is okay. I promise," Peeta said, holding my arms again. I looked up into his face and stared really hard, eyes squinted. I decided to trust him.

"Okay. I'll see you later then," I muttered. He kissed me quickly on the lips.

"See you soon," he smiled.

I walked away, feeling strangely happy. Even though there was a rebellion starting right under my nose, I felt unaffected. I still had Peeta, the only person that was of upmost importance to me. As long as he was safe, I was sane. And no amount of rebellion could change that.

Cinna dressed me in a bright red gown and gave me dramatic makeup. The dress was floor length and went straight down. But when I spun, the skirt flared out around me, like the skirt had more fabric than what was shown. I looked elegant and grown up.

"You are the Girl on Fire again," Cinna smiled. I twirled one more time and hugged Cinna.

"I can't thank you enough," I murmured. He laughed.

"Oh, Ivy. I've only given you a couple dresses," he stated. But Cinna had given me more than that. He was my friend, and he had given me advice. Cinna was always there when the prep team was too much, and I felt like he almost understood me better than a person should be able to understand another human. I began to feel like I owed Cinna. But I didn't know how to repay him.

"Thank you," I repeated. Cinna pulled back from me and put his hand on my head like I was a young child.

"No, thank you," he smiled.

Cinna and I walked back to the group. Peeta and I were escorted to the stage by Peacekeepers. He held my hand and was fidgety. I didn't say anything at first, but after a while, all the squirming and tapping feet and brushing his hand off on his pants began to get extreme.

"Nervous?" I asked.

"Just a little," he said. I nudged him with my shoulder.

"You're a natural. Don't be nervous. Everyone that's going to be out there loves you," I told him, "including me." Peeta looked down at me, smiling.

"Okay. We can do this," he squeezed me hand. We heard Caesar announce our names, and we walked out onto the stage, hands entwined. Caesar gave me a hug and shook Peeta's hand before inviting us to sit down on the couch. I sat next to Peeta, a little more formally than I had the last time we had an interview with Caesar. But my head was on his shoulder, and every so often my eyes would glance up lovingly at Peeta as he is interviewed. The lights shone against his profile, making it look as though Peeta was glowing, like when the sun hit his face the same way in the Games. It made me want to reach out and brush his cheek; I wanted to glow too.

Peeta would squeeze my hand every so often, almost like he needed to remind me, or himself, that we were sitting together. Once I had sat on this stage, wondering if I would ever be there again, living. But I had survived, but only done so with consequences.

"Ivy. Your dress is simply breathtaking, as usual," Caesar pointed out. I hadn't been in most of the conversation, but I knew I Caesar would include me sooner or later. I had been content with just letting my head sit on Peeta's shoulder the whole night.

"Thank you, Caesar. Cinna is brilliant," I said, looking up at my stylist.

"Your stylist _really_ has done a fantastic job with your dresses, Ivy!" Caesar said, gesturing up at Cinna, who gave a modest nod to the thunderous applause. Cinna didn't even offer a smile, and he looked completely different from the Cinna I had hugged earlier.

"He's wonderful," I agreed, still smiling up at the stylist balcony.

"You look wonderful!" Caesar said, giving me a large smile.

"Isn't she the most beautiful girl you've ever seen, Caesar?" Peeta interceded before I could thank Caesar. I felt my cheeks burn.

Peeta and Caesar continued talking together while I blushed. I couldn't remember if there was ever a time Peeta had called me beautiful. I never thought of myself as pretty. Could he truly find me beautiful?

"So, you two? Any plans for the future as of now?" Caesar asked, looking far too happy. I tried not to stare too closely at his lopsided, fake-looking, smiling cheeks as I answered.

"Not that I know of…"

"I'm glad you asked, Caesar," Peeta interrupted me. "I've got something planned." I turned to Peeta, so immensely confused with him.

"What?" I asked in a low voice, almost like a warning. But Peeta grinned and got down on one knee. My heart began to pump faster, and I got lightheaded. But I forced myself to concentrate on what was happening. What was happening? What was he doing? I found myself lost in Peeta's eyes, trying not to stop breathing. But my breaths slowed down, time slowed down, and all I could hear was Peeta's voice.

"Ivy Undersee," Peeta started. He couldn't get much else out because the crowd was screaming. He started to laugh and waved a hand to shush the crowd. Once they quieted, he waited a second in the silence, beaming at me. Smiling at me like this is really what he wanted, like he was so happy. "I love you, so much. And I need you to be in my life. The moments when we're apart, even if it's just for a minute, I feel empty inside. In those moments, I realize that whenever I'm empty, it's because you're not there. And from now on, every moment I see your face, I want to turn to everyone I know and be able to say that you're all mine. I want to have you by my side _always_. You're the most smart, courageous, kind, _beautiful_ person I've had the pleasure of meeting. So, I'm asking you, begging you really, if you would marry me?"

I squeaked.

"Please," he added, softly.

No words came out of my mouth. Peeta continued to give me a lopsided, close-mouthed smile, patiently waiting for me to come to my senses.

But I doubted I ever would.

Was this actually happening? Did Peeta just propose?

"Am I dreaming?" I asked aloud. My voice sounded far away, like a different person was talking for me. The crowd laughed at my comment. Peeta started to look worried, and then I realized this was all real.

"Ivy?" Caesar asked. I took a deep breath, realizing I had forgotten to breath. Peeta's eyes gazed into mine. His question rung in my ears.

_Marry me? Marry me? Marry me?_

Suddenly, the words hit me hard.

_Marry Peeta! _

"YES!" I shouted as loud as I could. "Yes, yes, yes!"

Tears streamed down my face as Peeta got up from the ground and pulled me into a hug. His lips collided with mine. My hands set themselves on his neck as he lifted me up and spun me around in the air. My skirt flared out around us, and the crowd was on their feet, shouting for us.

Peeta set me on the ground. We stood there facing each other for a couple seconds before he swooped down and kissed me again. I squeezed my eyes shut, enjoying this moment.

It was what I had wanted. And I guess it was what Peeta wanted too.

It took a lot of coaxing, but eventually Caesar got Peeta and I to calm down and sit back down on the couch.

Caesar and Peeta make a couple of more jokes, all the while Peeta holding onto my hand. His thumb made circular motions on my hand, and I felt so content. I didn't want the interview to end. But suddenly, I began to wish it would. President Snow started to walk up onto the stage. To congratulate us I supposed.

Peeta and I stood up to greet the president. Snow grasped Peeta's hand and gave it a firm shake. Then he turned to me and gave me a hug. I saw Snow glancing at Peeta with raised eyebrows but tried to think nothing of it. This was my night.

Snow pulled back from me.

"Congratulations," he hissed. I gave him a smile.

"Thank you," I replied. I tried not to choke as the words were coming out. Snow's breath smelled like blood, like he had been drinking blood by the gallon. Maybe it was just my imagination, but my nose started to clog up with the stench, and it was hard to breathe. I took deep breaths through my mouth as Snow walked to the side of the stage. Caesar announced us one more time. As the anthem blared, Peeta grasped my hand. I examined his face, but he had a mask of joy over whatever he was feeling.

The ceremony ended, and all of the citizens began to run to the dinner. Peeta and I were led off the stage. Before we left for the dinner, Peeta put his arms around my waist and spun me to face him.

"So," he said with a large smile.

"That's why I couldn't know," I whispered to him, "you wanted it to be a surprise."

"We wanted you to react the right way. It was our last attempt at settling everything, you know?" he muttered in my ear. I laughed and nodded.

"Did I react the right way?" I murmured. He kissed my cheek and didn't answer. But I knew I had. Because I acted exactly as I would have acted if this hadn't been a plan.

_A plan_.

Everything went from good to bad when I realized that Haymitch planned this. Peeta planned this. Was it even real? It was fake again, just another attempt to call everyone.

_Stop, Ivy._

This had to be real. It had to be. Would Peeta have agreed to do it if he didn't love me? Who would want to be stuck with someone they didn't love for the rest of their life just in an attempt to stop a war?

No, I was determined to believe this was real.

Peeta had asked me to marry him because he loved me.

And I loved him.

* * *

*A/N Wow, I even don't know what to think about Peeta's feelings right now. Talk about confusing! Review with what you think is going on in Peeta's mind.*


	8. The President and The Victor

Effie escorted us to the dinner but left us alone as soon as she entered the room. Since we had won the Games, her popularity had gone up. She went around and began to mingle with almost anyone she could find.

Peeta and I didn't try and talk to people, but a lot of people came up and talked to us. We were soon separated by mobs of people. Once the mobs thinned out, I found myself on the middle of the dance floor with no Peeta in sight. I stood there, trying not to look too awkward standing there alone. I slowly circled around, looking for Peeta. I found him standing over by a table of cakes. He was talking to some bakers, and I smiled at him.

Just as I began to walk towards him, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I spun around quickly, making my dress flare out a little. I felt the fabric hit against my legs, and my nose clogged up when I saw who had tapped me. I straightened my back and breathed through my mouth.

"President Snow," I said with a large, incredibly fake smile.

"Miss Undersee… or should I say, Mellark?" he said, returning my smile. His lips were unnaturally puffy, as if he had too much work done on them.

I laughed, "Thank you for throwing us this dinner."

"It was no trouble for our _victors_." He let the 's' continue on as he spoke, sounding like a hissing reptile, emphasizing the fact that we had both won and beat him.

I didn't respond; I only smiled.

"May I have a dance?" Snow asked.

"Of course, President Snow," I said, trying to make my voice sound cordial.

President Snow took of one my hands and held it in his. He set his other hand on my waist. I tried not to cringe. I let my hand sit gently on his shoulder, not wanting to touch him. I was afraid I would begin to smell like blood, or that my hand would burn where it touched him. I kept my head turned away from Snow, constantly shifting my eyes around the crowd, seeing who would help me if I screamed right now.

"Tell me, Miss Undersee, whom do you know here tonight?" he asked. My eyes shifted towards him; I was confused by the question.

"My prep team, Cinna, Portia, Haymitch Abernathy, Effie Trinket, and Peeta," I responded in a cautious, low tone.

"So little friends here," Snow leaned in and whispered, "A snap of my fingers would end their lives."

I pulled back from him, my mouth hanging open in surprise. It had come out of nowhere, his threat. Had he been planning to do this the whole time? Ruin my night? Kill everyone I love?

"Why… why would you do that?"

"Because. You lied to me," he stated, sounding like he was scolding a child.

"No, I didn't," I snarled. "I did not lie."

"Let us not be dishonest with one another, it just makes everything take so much longer. You and Mr. Mellark both have been lying to me and to everyone," he murmured in my ear. I wondered why he was doing this here and now.

"How?" I breathed, trembling with either fear or rage. He wasn't doing this now; Snow couldn't be doing this now. It was the best day of my life. How could anyone take that away from me?

"Obviously the berries. They were out of rebellion, not love," he said as if he knew everything.

"You're wrong, President Snow. Peeta and I are in love, something I doubt you would know anything about," I said as I let my hand drop from his shoulder. He let my other hand go. I looked around trying to find Peeta again. I needed him.

Where was he?

Snow chuckled, "I had a wife once."

I turned to stare at him with dark eyes, "Good. I'm going to get married and become one." My words were choppy. Why couldn't I speak correctly? Was it the stench? Was it shock?

Was it possibly because… I believed Snow? No. Impossible.

My head began to hurt from the pounding inside.

"Oh, but first you must ask your mother," Snow said. I wondered why he was still talking. We had already established that we hated each other. And he had already threatened to kill everyone I loved. What else could there possibly be?

"My mother doesn't care for me," I answered, lifting my chin up. I wanted to seem stronger than Snow was making me out to be.

"Who does care for you, Miss Undersee? Hmm? The boy from the pond?" Snow asked. The room seemed to darken until I could only see Snow and myself. And we were spinning. Spinning so quickly I couldn't even really see him; he was just a blur. I clutched at my stomach, trying not to throw up.

Snow knew about Gale.

"_He_ kissed _me_," I breathed. "You can't blame Peeta for that."

"Oh, but Peeta kissed another girl. Don't you remember? You were there weren't you?" he asked me, putting venom in each word. He was trying to hurt me. I felt as if I had been bitten. And Snow's poison was slowly spreading through me, making me ache and burn.

"I remember," I said weakly, "but he loves me."

"I wouldn't be so sure, Miss Undersee," Snow said as the room came back into my focus. I found Snow's eyes and glared, my anger again replacing my fear and doubt.

"How would you know?" I spat. Snow laughed like we had been telling jokes this whole time. People had started to watch and wonder, whacking each other with their absurd handbags to point at the president and the victor in the middle of the floor.

"Because Mr. Mellark is watching you and me right now, yet he doesn't come to save you," Snow responded, looking behind me. I turned to see Peeta glancing at us from one of the many food tables. I came with an excuse fast. My hands started to get clammy.

"Well, I told him I would meet him when I was done talking with everyone," I gave the president a curtsey. "Goodbye, President Snow."

As I walked away, Snow called out, "Have a lovely night, Mrs. _Mellark_."

* * *

Phrases and words I had heard from Haymitch and Peeta began to fly through my head.

_We __have__ to convince __him__._

_Use the Tour… try and show… we __**only**__ acted out of love… not rebellion._

_We thought it would change how you acted on the tour._

_We needed you to be all lovey-dovey with Peeta._

_Act delirious with love… play your parts perfectly… to convince Snow._

_You're not doing enough._

_We wanted you to react the right way._

_It was our last attempt at settling everything, you know?_

It was all a game. It wasn't real. Peeta was lying, because he needed me to act my part. I wouldn't forgive him so he lied. I started to hyperventilate. It was always about convincing Snow. It was never about me. He never loved me again. Everything was a lie. My head began to throb. I couldn't find Peeta. I stopped where I was and leaned against the nearby table.

_Get it together. Compose yourself._

I started to feel sweat on my forehead. My stomach hurt, and I felt sick. I hunched over, feeling sweat beginning to form all over my body. I felt a hand touch my back, and I didn't turn around. Tears were sliding down my cheeks, and whichever Capitol person wanted to talk to me now couldn't see me crying.

"Ivy?"

I almost smiled. I turned around and quickly hugged Haymitch. I secretly wiped my face on his jacket, before standing up. Haymitch looked at me confused. I looked at my reflection on a shiny plate; my makeup wasn't smeared.

"Have you seen Peeta?" I asked. Haymitch, still looking completely confused, pointed towards a different food table. I found Peeta standing there, chatting with a man I had never seen before. I slowly walked up, deciding whether or not to join their conversation. Peeta spotted me and waved me over.

"Ivy, this is Plutarch Heavensbee. He's the new Head Gamemaker," Peeta said. I made a mental note to ask Haymitch later why there was a new Head Gamemaker. He gestured to me, "I'm sure you heard of my fiancée, Ivy Undersee."

"Of course! Who hasn't? It's nice to see you again," Plutarch said, shaking my hand.

"Again?" I laughed. He didn't look offended that I didn't remember him.

"I've been avoiding punch ever since," he hinted. My eyes widened.

"Oh! You're the one who fell into the punch!" I said, finally remembering. I hadn't seen his face very well because I had thrown spears at the lights. But there was no doubt in my mind that he was the one who fell.

"And I'd like to let you know that I never fully recovered," he smiled. Peeta chuckled. There was a small chirpy sound. Plutarch's hand flew to his pocket, and he pulled out a small pocket watch. He opened it up and looked at the time. It was almost midnight.

"That's a very nice watch," Peeta commented.

"Thank you. I had it specially made," his fingers ran over the surface and for a second I thought I saw a mockingjay. But the thought was impossible, and I brushed it aside. "If you'll excuse me, I have a Gamemakers' meeting to attend to. It starts at _midnight_. No one's supposed to know about it, but I think I can trust you two," he said, the sides of his mouth curling up.

"Pleasure meeting you," Peeta said, sticking his hand out. The Head Gamemaker shook it.

"Congratulations again on your engagement!" Plutarch said as he walked away.

"Wow, Head Gamemaker. What an honor," I commented. Peeta nodded.

"Are you hungry?" he asked. I looked at all the tables with piles and piles of food, and suddenly my stomach growled.

"I guess that's a yes," I laughed. Peeta took my hand, and I almost wanted to pull it away again.

I kept fooling myself into thinking everything was okay. But I couldn't just tell Peeta now that I knew the truth, yet if I pretended much longer, I feared the outcome would hurt us both.

"Where do we start?" Peeta wondered. I pointed out a random table, and we began to sample the food. More people would wander up to us and congratulate us and touch my hair and compliment our looks and our Games.

Too soon, my stomach was full.

"Why aren't you eating?" Flavius asked

"We have been," Peeta answered.

"But we're full," I added. Venia laughed at us.

"Here, drink this!" she said, picking up a two small glasses of a clear liquid and handing them to us. Peeta put the glass to his mouth.

"Stop!" Octavia yelled, causing people to stare at us.

"Not here!" Flavius whined.

"Why?" Peeta asked, looking into the glass with a scared look.

"You have to drink it in there," Octavia said as she pointed to the bathrooms. Peeta set down his glass. I stared at my glass with horror.

"You want me to…"

"Come on, Ivy. Let's dance," Peeta grabbed the glass from my hand and set it on the table. He pulled me onto the dance floor. He set his hands on my waist.

I always loved with Peeta was close, but now I was unhappy. More than unhappy, I was heartbroken. Because I knew it was all a game now. I lightly set my hands on his shoulders and turned my head to the side, not being able to look Peeta in the eye. My gaze was focused on one spot outside the window, a brightly glowing star in the middle of the lit up Capitol sky. Defiant.

I felt Peeta's cheek touch mine, and he whispered in my ear.

"You start to think they're okay, and then they go and do something like that," he said. I forced a short laugh.

"You're talking about the people who watch kids kill each other for entertainment. Really, puking up food is nothing by comparison," I pointed out.

"But, back in 12… everyone is starving. And here, they're puking up food to eat even more and more," Peeta murmured.

"I know," I replied.

"Ivy… what if we're wrong?" he paused to look at my face. I was confused. "What if we're wrong to subdue things?"

"Shh," I whispered. Peeta nodded and apologized.

But I thought hard about what he said. Should we just let a rebellion happen? No more Hunger Games or President Snow. Maybe there would be more food for the poorer districts. For 12.

But then I thought of all the death that would happen in a war against the Capitol. No, we're not wrong. We needed to stop the unrest. But if this "proposal" didn't work, we were all out of ideas. We danced for a couple more minutes before Effie came up to us.

"We have to get back on the train at one. Here, follow me," she exclaimed, leading us through the crowd. I looked at Peeta confused. It couldn't be one yet.

But I saw why she had us start to leave so early. We had many people to say goodbye to, not to mention the many people who stopped us to say congratulations.

But, we got on the train by one o'clock and were off for 12 in no time. As soon as I changed in comfortable pajamas, I went to find Haymitch. I needed to ask him what he knew about Peeta's lying to me. Knowing Haymitch, he was probably the one who told Peeta to lie to me. He was passed out drunk in his room, so I decided to just wait until morning, though I wished I didn't have to wait that long. I got back to my room and found Peeta standing by the window waiting for me.

"There you are! I was worried you had sleep-walked off the back of the train," Peeta joked. I shook my head and crossed my arms. "Are you okay, Ivy?"

"I think I can manage tonight… alone," I stuttered out. Peeta stared at me with big eyes.

"Are you okay?" he repeated. I nodded.

"Yeah… yes. I'm okay," I murmured, knowing he could see through my lie.

"If you're not okay, just say so," Peeta said, stepping forward towards me. My eyes squeezed close. Gale had said that to me too. Tears fell from my closed eyes.

"I'm not okay," I admitted. Something shifted in the room, and Peeta almost seemed to turn desperate.

"I'm here! Ivy, I can help!" he exclaimed, holding my arms.

"No, you can't," I said softly. Peeta's eyes scanned over my face, despairingly. He couldn't help, because he was the reason.

"I don't understand. Ivy, tell me what's wrong," he said. I tried to shrug off his grip on my arms, but Peeta wouldn't let go.

"I just… please leave," I begged. The tears were blurring my vision now. Peeta refused to leave, so I shoved him out of the door, despite his arguing and resisting, and locked it behind him. I slid down against the door, listening to Peeta knock on my door over and over again.

"Ivy! Why can't I help?" Peeta cried. I didn't answer. "I can't just wait out here! You can't be alone!"

The pain of the truth hit me hard just now. It was the Games all over again. I was set up for heartbreak. My feelings didn't even matter to Peeta anymore. He just wanted to save himself. And when he felt his own life threatened, he lied to me again just to save himself.

I had opened my heart once again, even after I had sworn to myself it would remain closed. And it hurt worse getting broken a second time.

Eventually, Peeta stopped knocking. I heard his hand slide down the door, defeated.

"Ivy, I'm going to go to my room. But I'm here for you. Always," he choked out. I listened for the footsteps leading him away. There was a pause, and then, Peeta left.

I knew I couldn't cope with the nightmares alone. So I sat against my door all night, staring out my window. Unblinking.

His promise.

_I love you, and I'm never going to leave you, Ivy Undersee. And that is something I can promise you. _

And his lie.

_You have me now._

Because I didn't. I didn't have him now, or ever. I was alone again. And I would always end up alone. And that was something I could promise myself.


End file.
